The efforts in overcoming this fear lie in acceptance of death and cherishing the small moments that time has in store. This article brings to you specific points that urge you to reflect on the ways to overcome this fear of losing loved ones and get a more positive outlook towards death.
A significant part of our conscious lives is spent with our loved and dear ones. Over the years, our lives get interlinked with many new friends coming in our lives, while some relations stay constant. As a result, an individual finds it very hard to accept the continuity of her/his life without even one close person in it. The fear of losing someone often takes a firm grip over our lives. Often, the individual gets paranoid about such a recurring thought regarding a death in the family or of a sick friend and it gets very hard for him to resume his normal life.
Acknowledge your fears, know its normal
It is important to pay attention to them and acknowledge their existence. The fear of losing a near one is very real and can be intense at times. Do not victimise yourself for being scared to lose a loved one. It’s important and healthy to also understand that similar emotions have been felt by other people and that it is nothing to be ashamed or cornered for.
This acknowledgement will lead you to better think of ways to cope up that fear. This is important because often we see that such traumas build up to a frightening extent. The future death of a loved one might then scar them for a considerably long period of time.
Accept the concept of loss and how not everything is in your hands
The understanding of life and every moment of joy ever experienced comes with a clause of termination, that things in this life are mortal, be it moments or people. It, therefore, becomes very important and healthy to embed this thought in our minds as we approach the maturity to deal with deaths.
In moments of fear and possible worries, do remember the old days and cherish every small memory that you have with them. Value the times you had with them, and store them as the good things that you’re made of. If they have a possibility of certain death in the near future, honour their presence and make them feel special that they ever existed.
Understand how your mind responds to the possibility of a death
Understand how your mind responds to the possibility of a death in the family/friends and learn to gradually cope up. Different people react differently to the event of the death of a near and dear one. It’s innate, and while some people take longer periods to overcome the loss, others accept it sooner. Likewise, know how you naturally deal with the fear of a death in the family. Accordingly, devise plans to cope up with that fear. Read books, talk to yourself or reach out to trusted peers who can tell their similar experiences and how they managed to control that fear.
Try telling yourself that while the fear is real, it shouldn’t be all persuasive and dominant in any activity I perform. Keep a diary to talk to yourself or try going for strolls outside to visit the world beyond home and how it always goes on. Meditation and such subtle philosophies hidden in your everyday spectrum can most certainly help you in acknowledging the fear and coming up with it.
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Appreciate the time you have with them, realise that life exists beyond that
The fear of someone’s death also hits you with the realisation that a rather small and limited amount of time is left in their lives. It is, therefore, a very precious part in your life too, where you get to be with them and add up to the image of theirs which you will always carry with you.
The trivialities of life such as mortality and new births will become a concept beautiful to you. While it is not entirely possible to be very optimistic all the time, do realise the small valuable time you’re spending with them, will mean so much afterwards. Make them feel special and wanted, and break all shackles to express to them how much you love them and value their presence.
You’ll notice that small acts of kindness and warmth will lighten up their face and these smiles and glow all over will make you much hopeful and appreciative of the little things in life. Thus comes the saying, “there’s no better teacher than death that teaches us about the beauty of life.”
Talk to trusted ones who can bear you. Give them the support that you require
Even after all the mental support that you could garner from yourself and the life around you, it often might seem that any effort you put into healing yourself is useless. The loss might seem irreparable and your life would never be the same again. Reach out to friends and people you’re close to so that they can comfort you. You can also listen to them how they dealt with the death of a closed one. And then there they are, carrying on with their lives and being there for you.
Seeing others in the same pain can also provoke you to be the pillar of support they need. This comforts them as well as, it tells you that you weren’t as weak as you thought yourself to be. Healing others will magically prove effective in healing yourself as you will realise how death is imperative and important.
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The event of death in anyone’s life is a big lesson from the concept of time itself. It teaches us how everyone has to spend a limited time in this life. It makes us very mature and accepting towards the finite and exhaustive nature of all moments and actions in this life. The fear of losing a loved one, therefore, must be accepted with love and allowed to be present in our actions in a different form.
Its energy must be channelised into making ourselves a better person and alter our existing perspective towards others, in future.